What's In Your Wallet?

D&D has a money problem. Not because adventurers carry too much of it, but because the basic math behind it collapses the second anyone asks a practical question.

According to standard fifth-edition rules, 50 coins weigh one pound, regardless of metal. That sounds clean at first glance, but if a copper piece weighs the same as a gold piece, their physical sizes have to be completely wild. Pure gold is nearly twice as dense as silver and more than twice as dense as copper. To make a copper coin weigh the same as a gold coin, that copper piece would need to be the size of a coaster, while the gold piece would look like a tiny metal flea.

Alternatively, if every coin is the same physical size, a bag of gold will weigh double a bag of copper. Trying to balance bulk scales, counting troughs, and encumbrance becomes a headache for players and DMs alike.

If your world features an organized merchant class, they would never operate on hand-waving logic. Banking requires standardization, security, and speed. Here is how a sophisticated Guild of Merchants actually solves the physics of coinage.

The Standard Planchet Solution

To make currency both easily stackable in chests and easily weighable in bulk, the Guild mints every denomination on identical planchets:

• Diameter: ~1 inch
  
  
• Thickness: 0.06 inches
  
  
• Weight: 6 grams (75 coins per pound)
  
  
• Edge: Reeded (grooved to instantly reveal clipping or filing)
  
  

Because every coin shares the exact same size and weight, merchants do not need to sort loose coin before taking a total. They toss a mixed sack onto a beam scale. If it weighs 100 pounds, there are exactly 7,500 coins inside.

If they need a fast visual check, 50 loose coins in a pouch take up exactly half a cup of volume. One hundred coins fill a cup. Sixteen hundred coins fill a gallon jug.

Engineered Metallurgy

Ancient and medieval mints were not ignorant of chemistry; they deliberately alloyed metals to adjust durability and appearance. The Guild uses engineered alloys to ensure every coin hits the exact 6-gram target while maintaining distinct visuals:

• Sovereign (Platinum Alloy): Platinum blended with a light base metal. Worth 25 Gold (2,500 Copper).
  
  
• Crown / Royal (Gold Alloy): Standard gold tempered for durability. Worth 1 Gold (100 Copper).
  
  
• Noble (Silver Alloy): Silver weighted down with dense base elements. Worth 1/10 Gold (10 Copper).
  
  
• Guilder (Premium Bronze): Dark, rich bronze alloy. Worth 1/20 Gold (5 Copper). The distinct dark brown tone prevents fraudsters from gold-plating it to fake a Royal, and it rings with a high pitch when dropped on a stone counter.
  
  
• Common (Hardened Copper): Copper alloyed for wear resistance. Worth 1/100 Gold (1 Copper).
  
  

Table Reference: Bulk & Volume

Coin Count	Weight	Loose Volume
50 Coins	0.67 lbs	1/2 Cup
75 Coins	1.0 lb	3/4 Cup
100 Coins	1.33 lbs	1.0 Cup
1,000 Coins	13.33 lbs	10 Cups (~2.5 Quarts)
7,500 Coins	100.0 lbs	Standard Wooden Coin Chest

This system keeps tabletop encumbrance simple, gives merchants believable operational tools (counting troughs, beam scales, reeded edges), and grounds the economy in actual physical logic.

Based on the rigorous specifications and metallurgical logic established by the Merchant Guild, here is how the standardized currency appears. Each coin maintains the exact 1-inch diameter and 0.06-inch thickness, engineered to weigh exactly 6 grams (75 coins per pound).

From left to right:

1. The Sovereign (Platinum Alloy): The high-value 25-Crown coin, minted from a dense, silver-white platinum alloy. Note the clean, consistent reeded edge.

2. The Crown / Royal (Gold Alloy): The base unit of the economy. A standardized gold alloy tempered for durability.

3. The Noble (Silver Alloy): The standard silver piece (1/10 Crown), weighted with dense base elements to hit the 6-gram target.

4. The Guilder (Premium Bronze): The dark, rich bronze 5-copper coin. The Merchant Guild selected this distinct alloy and dark tone specifically to prevent anyone from plating it and trying to pass it off as gold.

5. The Common (Copper Alloy): The copper unit (1/100 Crown), hardened to survive heavy circulation.

The Absurdity of Fantasy Female Armor

High Armor Class, Zero Coverage: The Absurdity of Fantasy Female Armor

"I am NOT wearing this into the dungeon!"

If you were preparing for a brutal battlefield facing broadswords, warhammers, and flaming arrows, your first thought probably wouldn't be to leave your chest, throat, and vital organs completely exposed while strapping six-inch steel heels to your feet. Yet for decades, fantasy media and video games have treated female armor less like personal protective equipment and more like high-fashion swimwear with a high Armor Class. The trope breaks down quickly once you look at actual history and physics.

The Geometry of "Boob Plate" vs. Roman Muscle Cuirasses

A common defense of decorative fantasy armor points to ancient history. Greek hoplites and Roman officers famously wore the lorica musculata, which was bronze chest armor sculpted with defined chest and abdominal muscles. If muscle armor worked back then, why not sculpted female plate?

It comes down to shape and force distribution:

• Shallow Contours vs. Deep Wedges: Roman muscle cuirasses used subtle, shallow contours across a broad, outward-curving dome. This design ensured weapon strikes would still slide off to the sides. Fantasy female plate frequently features deep individual cups separated by a sharp, inward-sloping trough right over the sternum, creating a literal funnel for sword points and spear tips.

• The Internal Anvil: In a heavy fall or blunt impact, that central cleft acts like a chisel driven straight into the sternum. Instead of distributing kinetic energy across a padded gambeson, the metal focuses the entire force onto a single line over the ribcage.

• Parade Armor vs. Combat Gear: Roman commanders who wore hyper-sculpted bronze were often commanding from horseback, while rank-and-file legionnaires in the thick of melee wore utilitarian segmentata or chainmail.

Ankle-Breakers and Exposed Vitals

Beyond the chest piece, the design fails from top to bottom:

• High-Heeled Greaves: Fighting on uneven terrain, mud, or loose cobblestone requires stability and solid footing. High heels destroy agility, eliminate balance, and guarantee a twisted ankle before combat even starts.

• Exposed Femoral Arteries: Leaving the thighs, abdomen, and throat bare while covering only the shoulders and forearms ignores basic combat biology. Real armor exists specifically to protect the spots where a single clean cut means bleeding out in seconds.

Real History Did It Better

When women historically took up arms, or when modern combatants in HEMA (Historical European Martial Arts) suit up, their armor looks virtually identical to men's. Real plate is tailored to distribute weight across the hips, padded underneath, and built for maximum mobility. It does not need to be form-fitting or hyper-feminized to be effective. Protection is the entire point.

Optional TTRPG House Rule: Style vs. Function

If a player insists on bringing hyper-stylized, decorative "bikini plate" to your gaming table, try applying a simple mechanical trade-off instead of an outright ban:

• Social Bonus: The character gains a +1 bonus to Charisma-based skill checks in non-combat settings.

• Combat Penalty: The character suffers a -1 penalty to Armor Class against piercing attacks (due to weapon-trapping center lines) and receives disadvantage on Dexterity saving throws when moving across rough terrain in high-heeled greaves.

What is the most absurd piece of fantasy armor you have ever seen at a gaming table or in a video game? Drop your favorite examples in the comments below!

Play For Wyatt Ferris!

Back in November of 2017, we here at Portcullis posted an article and shared a tender message from a grieving mother. Recently we've been correcting older articles, updating them, and in some cases writing new ones with additional material. This article is one of them. The tragic tale of Wyatt Ferris, and his mother's simple request to add her son as an NPC into our games.

A Mother's Touching Request

Recently, on social media, we came across the following message -

Julie Waggoner (Wyatt's Mother): "Last week my 17 year old son Wyatt Ferris took his own life after suffering a traumatic brain injury. He was very active in the gaming community, both as player and GM. In order to show our endless love for Wyatt and to honor his countless hours at the gaming tables, we're asking GMs and storytellers around the world to add Wyatt as an NPC in your games. Wyatt was a paladin, cavalier, war priest, rogue, swashbuckler, investigator, Hellknight bodyguard, and more. Please see the photos here of Wyatt and use the hashtags #Play4Wyatt #WyattNPC so we can follow his continued adventures. Thank you for helping this broken hearted mother mend after this tragic loss. I love the gaming community for starting this for my son. My Twitter is @baddicebad."

[Editor's Note: Julie Waggoner's Twitter account no longer appears to exist.]

Well, Julie, we've heard your call, and created several versions of characters for Wyatt to place in our long-running campaign. It is always a tragedy losing someone, especially one so young. Our hearts and prayers go out to you and your loved ones during this difficult time. Rest assured that many of us in the gaming community will immortalize young Wyatt in our various ways, as tribute to his spirit and passion. Thank you for reaching out with your beautiful request. We are honored to participate

#Play4Wyatt #WyattNPC

Below are several images Julie provided for the community to use. They have been turned into artwork by a few community members and made available elsewhere.

We here at Portcullis have created several newer images, taking into account Wyatt being somewhere around 28 years of age, give or take. They have been included for free download and use by anyone in their own campaigns, but not for commercial use of any sort. The artwork we created here is free, just click on an image and save.

The Cavalier

The Investigator of Mysteries

Rogue/Artificer

War Priest

Swashbuckler, with admiring guest star

Dear Readers, if you, or anyone you know, are in need of someone to talk to, please don't ignore the warning signs. Seek help. ALL calls are confidential. 1-800-273-8255

Friday Freebie: Free Maps from Paratime Design

This Friday Freebie isn't like other freebie giveaways. It's an actual link to another site that continues to give away their own freebies! I highly suggest you go to their site and look around. They also have products available at reasonable prices. It's a win/Win.

Here is their pitch from their own website:

'Every Friday, a new Creative Commons licensed map will be released (there will be the odd exception now and then). See the Friday Freebie Maps for the latest freebie maps. Some of these maps will receive an Enhanced option. Friday Enhanced Map products contain a multi-layered PDF (allowing the options of white or black backgrounds, numbered or non-numbered areas, and secret doors on or off) and a zip file with all relevant map files as individual jpg images."

Adventure Seed: The Tomb of Al Khazneh

 

The facade and location of the actual tomb reimagined for fantasy gaming. Artwork by Gerald Williams, using AI assisted generation.

Who didn't enjoy Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? The Temple of the Sun, was actually the Tomb of Al Khazneh, in Petra. Real location for the entrance, but not the same inside as the movie would lead us to believe. Nevertheless, the image of this specific temple facade has stuck in my mind for 37 years, at the time I am writing this. It was very memorable. And I know I'm not the only DM to use the same location for adventures in their campaigns.

In reality, the temple inside isn't a huge grand affair. No multi-levels, no maze of caverns and tunnels. Just a small, straight forward, tomb with areas for sacred rituals. For all intents and purposes, it is the scene of the final showdown and the adventure that focuses on the journey to get to it.

Map based on the actual interior of the tomb. Artwork by Gerald Williams, using AI assisted generation.

Here are a few suggestions for running an adventure centered on a compact, Al-Khazneh-style tomb:

• Emphasize the Canyon Approach (The Journey): Since the interior is small, treat the narrow gorge leading up to the temple as a major part of the dungeon crawl. Use rockfalls, narrow choking points, sniper ambushes on the high cliffs, and ancient warding glyphs to make reaching the threshold feel like a major achievement.

• Use the Side Chambers as Ritual/Puzzle Locks: To prevent the party from just rushing straight to the final chamber, tie the main tomb alcove to the side rooms. For instance, the barrier or sarcophagus in the inner sanctum remains sealed until priests' braziers are lit or ancient riddles are solved in the side chambers (b and c).

• Add Verticality and Lair Actions to the Showdown: Compact floor plans can easily turn into static combat. Give the boss lair actions—such as crumbling pillars, shifting sand traps, animated statues, or magical darkness. Encourage players to use the tall columns or ledge alcoves for high-ground advantages.

• Time Pressure / Rival Factions: Introduce a race against the clock. A rival adventuring party or cult could be hot on their heels (or already setting up an ambush inside), turning the small space into a high-stakes standoff where cover and tactical positioning matter immensely.

Would you like some specific ideas for traps or lair actions tailored to these individual chambers?

1. The Side Chamber Puzzle Locks

• The Twin Seals (b and c): The heavy stone doorway leading into the Inner Sanctum (e) is sealed by an ancient Nabataean-style magical barrier. To lower it, the party must simultaneously interact with the altars in the Chamber of Ancient Rites (b) and the Crypt of the Forgotten Kings (c).

• The Pressure Trap: If an altar is activated incorrectly or out of sequence, the side room's stone doors drop shut, and sand begins pouring rapidly from ceiling grates, filling the room in 3 rounds unless a mechanical or Arcana check resets the mechanism.

2. Lair Actions for the Inner Sanctum (e)

On Initiative Count 20 (losing initiative ties), the guardian or tomb spirit can channel the structure itself:

• Sifting Sands: Loose sand across the floor swirls violently. The main chamber floor becomes difficult terrain, and any creature standing on it must succeed on a Strength saving throw or be knocked prone or pulled 10 feet toward the center of the room.

• Echoes of the Ancients: The ancient carvings along the walls glow with searing radiant or necrotic energy. Energy beams fire across the room between the pillars in (a) or along the walls of (e), forcing players to actively use line-of-sight and cover behind the central pillars.

• Structural Collapse: A piece of the high carved ceiling detaches above a 10-foot-square area. Creatures in the area must make a Dexterity saving throw or take bludgeoning damage and become restrained under falling masonry.

• Treasury Secrets (d): Hidden behind a secret door, painted with a mural, is the treasure vault. Add any traps, or puzzles on how to open it as you please.

3. The Final Vault Trap (i)

The left and right priest antechambers (g and h) are explicitly priest antechambers, so their encounters are directly tailored to the daily rites, preparations, and duties of the tomb's clergy:

1. Purification and Preparation (g)

• The Ritual Basin: This room contains a stone basin once used by priests for ceremonial washing before entering the Inner Sanctum (e).

• The Hazard / Challenge: The basin holds murky, stagnant water infused with ancient holy oils—or a trapped Water Elemental / Ooze lying in wait.

• The Mechanic: To open the door to (e) safely, a character must perform the proper ritual purification (a Religion check or casting a cleansing spell like Purify Food and Drink). Failing to purify oneself triggers a curse of frail body (disadvantage on Strength/Constitution saves) upon stepping into the central hall.

2. The Vestry and Sacred Texts (h)

• The Clerical Archives: Stone niches along the walls hold petrified scrolls, ritual vestments, and ceremonial paraphernalia used by the attending priests.

• The Clue / Boon: Investigating (h) with a successful History or Investigation check allows players to discover the exact incantation needed to bypass the traps on the final sarcophagus (i), or reveals the vulnerability of the tomb's guardian.

• The Trap: Removing the high priest's ceremonial medallion from its pedestal without leaving an equal weight in gold or silver unleashes a Glyph of Warding (Blindness/Deafness or Silence), leaving the party compromised right before the main fight.]

4. The Final Vault Trap (i)

• The False Sarcophagus: The sarcophagus in the final alcove (i) is protected by a localized gravity or necrotic glyph. Anyone approaching without uttering the sacred entry phrase triggers a wave of force that blasts intruders backward down the stairs into chamber (e), potentially knocking them into waiting hazards or minions.

5. What the F happened to (f)?

I'm old and forgetful! That's what happened to F. I missed it! And now you get to deal with my mistake. Writing isn't easy. Seriously, I proofread everything and now you see why I have an electronic imp watching over my shoulder. In my defense, she missed it too!

Please, as always, if you have questions, comments, or suggestions, leave a comment, share with your friends, and join us on Facebook at Portcullis, the Gateway to Adventure

Adventure Location: The City-State of Aurelia

 

Artwork by Gerald Williams, using AI generation

I've been running role-playing games for decades, specifically "the world's most famous fantasy role-playing game system" [IYKYK]. And over the years, I've enjoyed running through the streets of Lankhmar, and slogging through the sewers of the City-State of the Invincible Overlord. They are truly great modules, full of ideas, but they are no longer supported by their publishers. However, they're terribly expensive. So I've decided to create my own offering for the gaming community that will be supported by myself and guest contributors, but most importantly will be available FREE OF CHARGE.

Over the following months, various articles and maps will be published here on Portcullis, as well as artwork, and stat blocks. The occasional fanfic story or two will also grace these pages. Though is it fanfic if I'm the original author posting my own material? *shrugs*

Eventually, once enough material is generated, and if there is even a call for it, everything will be collected and made available in pdf form. Of course it will have to be self hosted and published since many places such as DriveThruRPG and the like have rules about AI assisted artwork and writing. Personally I do not care for such policies as they discriminate against creators with disabilities and neurodivergent individuals. Yes, I said what I said. Artificial Intelligence gives those with creative difficulties a means of self-expression and getting their creations out to the public.

Check back here often, and join us on our Facebook page at: Portcullis, The Gateway to Adventure.

"Stay tuned, keep your blades sharp, and check back often as the city walls take shape. And don't forget to follow our new Facebook page to join the conversation!" ~ Redcap

Working On A New Game System

From GENRE to FASTER: Forty-Eight Years of Rolling Dice and Refining Rules

I have been involved in tabletop role-playing games since 1978. Over nearly five decades at the table, I’ve developed a deep love—and an equally deep frustration—for the mechanics that drive our favorite hobby. I’ve bought into countless gaming systems, marveled at their strengths, winced at their weaknesses, and watched my bookshelves overflow with increasingly expensive rulebooks just to run different styles of games.

Back in 1995, I decided I had seen enough bloat. I started working on a basic, universal RPG system called GENRE. The goal was simple: build a single framework that could handle any genre, any setting, and any power level. It was meant to stop the endless cycle of buying new system after new system every time my group wanted a change of scenery.

To be frank, GENRE was crude. It used a clunky dice pool mechanic, and I never fully finished developing it. It was an experiment, nothing more. Yet somehow, it managed to attract a small following online back in the early days of the web.

Fast forward to a year ago, when I stumbled across a bizarre discovery: those original GENRE pages were still being hosted online, virtually untouched for thirty years. My initial reaction was a mix of genuine surprise and mild embarrassment. Looking back at your rough draft from three decades ago will do that to you.

Over the years, I noticed several commercial game systems using the exact same base elements I had tinkered with in GENRE. One system in particular mirrored my original notes a bit closer than I was entirely comfortable with. But instead of letting that bother me, it lit a fire under me to revisit the idea. I decided to give those old concepts a fresh coat of paint, strip away the clunky math, overhaul the core engine, and build something modern.

That overhaul became FASTER.

The name works on two levels. First, it’s a direct nod to classic game design like Marvel’s old FASERIP system, using an acronym formed by the six core character attributes: Force, Agility, Stamina, Talent, Ego, and Reason. Second, it literally describes the design philosophy: it is faster, lighter, and easier to pick up than the bloated systems sitting on store shelves today.

FASTER is built to be quick and flexible, covering broad ground without burying the game master under mountains of tables. But make no mistake—it isn't a "rules-light" game where mechanics are abandoned entirely in favor of hand-waving.

Tabletop role-playing is about imagination, but without structure and verisimilitude, you aren't playing a game anymore. You’re just a room full of drama majors doing improv. Without rules to define limits, consequences, and chance, games devolve into kids playing cops-and-robbers on the playground, arguing endlessly over who shot who first and why you didn't fall down when someone pointed a finger and shouted "Bang!"

FASTER exists to keep the structure clear, the rulings quick, and the focus where it belongs: on the story moving forward at the table.


Note from Editor: Stay tuned for sneak peeks and other previews about FASTER here on the blog.

Public Domain Artwork vs AI Generated

When I first started writing this blog back in 2017, the only artwork I could readily access were images from the Public Domain, though I did on one occasion hire James V. West for commissioned art. Unfortunately at the time, PD artwork was being used everywhere in the gaming community, becoming ubiquitous and common. I eventually tried my hand at photo manipulation to create unique derivations, but that was more effort than the results warranted.

These days I have access to image generation sites, and AI. Now while the end product can sometimes produce images with obvious errors, research indicates that posts with colorful, original artwork draw readers' attention... perfect or not. And I'm fine with that. I can actually draw, but not well, and not in a timely manner. Using Gemini allows me to create what I need, when I need it. And if the occasional mistake slips in, I can reject it, or embrace the chaos and have fun explaining why the characters is supposed to have an extra hand growing from his chest!

The next image is from the Public Domain, It's an old scan from "The Green Fairy Book", edited by Andrew Lang, and illustrated by H. J. Ford. The artist was a master, and has created images that continue to inspire artists and  art lovers for over a century.

Personally, I loved this image, so I used Gemini to recreate it in a colorful, new style. Is it perfect? No. Is it something I enjoy and can use? Yes. Will I continue using ai generated artwork in the future? You bet your Bippy!

If you are one of the many people that hate ai generated artwork, my blog is not a safe space for that kind of attitude. I've heard all the tired old arguments and the slurs of "ai slop", and I'm over it. It's a useful tool, and I have no problem using it. I will never apologize for exercising my freedom to create art and music, despite my personal limitations. You do you.

The Portcullis Screeches Open: 10 Years, Universal Rules, and a Remodeled Dungeon!

 

The Portcullis Screeches Open: 10 Years, Universal Rules, and a Remodeled Dungeon!

Screeeeech.

Apologies for the rust. That is the sound of the old iron portcullis finally being cranked back into the ceiling. Dust is flying, cobblestones are being scrubbed of old blood, and as you can see from the commotion behind me, the work crews are pulling double shifts.

Let's address the gargoyle in the room: Portcullis RPG officially started on January 30th, 2017.

Yes, ten years ago.

Not long after launching, on February 20th, 2018, our gleeful little reprobate of a mascot, Redcap, underwent a massive visual evolution. We were incredibly fortunate to tap the brilliant mind of James V. West (now widely known as J.V. West) to bring Redcap to life—right before his distinct style rightfully exploded into OSR fame.

Since then? Well, the intervening years were a whirlwind. Life got busy, and like many of you, I found myself caught in the relentless, exhausting turnover between modern editions of the world's most popular RPG and the shifting tides of the Old School Renaissance. Redcap slipped into the shadows, the blog grew some cobwebs, and a few careless goblin helpers accidentally walked backward into gelatinous cubes.

But a milestone like a ten-year anniversary isn't for looking backward. It’s for clearing out the dead weight.

While the blog was quiet, my philosophy on the hobby evolved. I realized I am completely done chasing the edition treadmill. I don’t want to talk about system-specific bloat, hyper-localized errata, or mechanics that will be obsolete by the next print run.

Moving forward, Portcullis is dedicated to system-neutral, edition-free role-playing advice.

Whether you are running the literal 1974 original white box, a gritty OSR retro-clone, a streamlined 2d6 indie engine, or the absolute newest edition on the market, the advice, hazards, and random tables cooked up in this dungeon are designed to drop seamlessly into your game tonight. A good trap is a good trap. A tense psychological dilemma transcends stat blocks.

Redcap is back at the foreman's desk, the pig-faced orcs are painting over the old designs, and we are stripping the mechanics down to pure, unadulterated adventure.

Grab your ten-foot poles. The gate is open. What have your players triggered lately?

The Tale of the Three-Legged Milk Maid

Article Updated 07/26 - Embedded video directly into page for reader's convenience.

Every bard worth their salt knows at least a few songs designed to get a tavern roaring with laughter. “The Tale of the Three-Legged Milk Maid” is one of those timeless tunes—a bawdy, high-energy ballad that thrives in smoky inns, rowdy summer fairs, and late-night adventurer campfires.

It’s not just a song—it’s a grand tradition. Wherever adventurers wander, someone has heard a version of it, though the lyrics vary wildly depending on who’s singing and how much ale the audience has consumed.

Watch & Listen

Song and video copyright Gerald Williams

Editorial Note: I use SUNO to create music. I don't just push buttons, I write the lyrics, choose the music style, arrangements, tempo, voices, etc. There are some people that hate AI generated music. I am not one of them. My use of AI allows me to create music that normally would be beyond my skills, though not beyond my talent. I do not claim to be a musician, but I am a song writer. The very lyrics and the backstory of the song all came from my real life experiences at the gaming table.

Lyrics (The Common Tavern Version)

(The song begins with a jaunty, plucky lute rhythm. The bard sings with a conspiratorial wink.)

(Verse 1) Oh, a dashing young bard with a silver-tongued way, Made a date with the Lord's lovely Lady one day. The hours flew past, a moment of bliss, 'Til the creak of the door warned of trouble and hiss!

(Verse 2) "Oh, dearest," she cried, "the Lord's back from his tour!" Then she tossed me, quite naked, from her chamber door. I fell in the courtyard on laundry so white, And wrapped myself up, a most pitiful sight!

(Verse 3) With a bonnet and smock, I moved through the hall, Hoping to leave, unseen by them all. But a guard with a helmet too tight on his head, Said, "Why, lassie, your hands are as soft as my bed!"

(The tempo slows and becomes more dramatic, with rising anticipation in the music.)

(Chorus - Audience joins in, swaying with tankards raised) Oh, the Guard and the Milkmaid, Beneath the pale moon! The Guard with his thick head, And the Milkmaid with a boon! He thought she was lovely, He thought her a prize, 'Til a third leg appeared Right before his eyes!

(The jaunty lute rhythm returns, faster and more frantic than before.)

(Verse 4) He looked down in confusion, he looked up in shock, That a maiden should hide such a powerful rock! His mouth opened wide for a terrified plea, But I couldn't be caught by a brute such as he!

(Verse 5) With a swift little flick of my delicate hand, I swung my milk pail, as the moment was planned! He fell like a sack, his wits knocked askew, And I ran from the castle, with one sock and no shoe!

(The music builds into a joyous, roaring crescendo as the bard finishes with a flourish.)

(Outro) So the next time you see me, and question my fame, Just remember the maid and her fanciful frame! For no lord or no guard can ever ensnare, A bard with three legs and some laundry to spare!

Bardic Effects & Tabletop Rules (Optional)

If a player character attempts to perform this song during a campaign, consider using these optional rules:

• Performance Check Bonus: Successfully performing this song in a common tavern grants a +2 bonus to Charisma (Performance or Persuasion) checks with local villagers, commoners, and mercenaries.

• Tabletop Interactive Perk: If a player actually sings the chorus out loud at the table with the group, award them Advantage on their Performance check!

• Tavern Hospitality: An amused tavern audience is far more likely to buy the party a round of drinks, share local rumors, or lower their guard during questioning.

• The Complication (Risk): Nobles, high clergy, or overly stern town guards may find the ballad distasteful or insulting, imposing Disadvantage on social checks if overheard in high-society settings.

Adventure Hooks

1. The Wrong Crowd: A traveling bard is overheard singing this bawdy tune too close to a sensitive noble’s estate—and now local guards are hunting the party for "public indecency and slander."

2. Based on a True Story: The party arrives in a quiet village where a local retired guard swears the song is a direct historical account of his most embarrassing night on duty... and he wants the bard found and silenced.

Freebie Friday: Advanced FASERIP.. a retro-clone of Marvel Superheroes

 

I've enjoyed playing and running the original Marvel Super Heroes RPG, a.k.a. FASERIP, for decades. Sadly there is no more official support for the system. But  fortunately community love  for the system is still growing strong on the internet. Advanced FASERIP, is just one readily available retro-clone freely for download.

Click HERE go to DriveThruRPG

Adventure Seed: Temple of the Threefold Eye (Updated)

Art Content created by Gerald Williams

The Temple of the Threefold Eye, is an Adventure Seed meant to take place as a one shot scenario taking a few sessions, or can be dropped into a longer running campaign. It may not be used in a commercial product. Nor included in any collection or product without the express permission of the author, Gerald Williams.

The original premise for the adventure was a hidden, solitary temple, with a statue of an otherworldly entity. The idea was that anyone who made the treacherous journey through the mountains to find the temple, and then spend the night sleeping inside, would be granted a prophetic dream, or have their mind crushed by eternal madness. The mysterious Trioptic Entity, would be of unknown origins and power.

Overview:

Hidden amidst treacherous peaks, the Temple of the Threefold Eye, stands as a testament to forgotten cosmic forces. Its crumbling stone walls cling to the mountainside, and the air within hums with ancient magic. Few dare to venture here, for the temple’s reputation is as varied as the shifting winds that whip through its corridors.

The Statue:

At the heart of the temple’s dimly lit sanctum rests the Statue of the Trioptic Entity. Carved from obsidian, its features evoke both awe and unease:

Horned Aspect: The statue depicts a towering, horned figure—an otherworldly being that defies mortal understanding. Its curved horns sweep back like crescent moons, hinting at celestial or infernal origins.

Dual Eyes: Two eyes, each the size of a human head, gaze outward. Their irises shimmer with iridescence, reflecting the colors of distant galaxies. These eyes are said to see beyond the veil of reality.

Third Eye Gem: The most captivating feature lies in the statue’s forehead: a colossal, multifaceted gem. Its facets shift between azure, amethyst, and obsidian. Legends claim it holds the secrets of creation and destruction.

The Legends:

Whispers echo through the mountain passes, recounting the temple’s dual nature:

1. The Gift of the Trioptic Entity:

• Those who sleep within the temple’s shadow may experience profound revelations:
• Inspiration: A bard might awaken with verses that weave reality itself. A playwright could pen a drama that moves gods to tears. An author might birth a tome that alters history.
• Truth Unveiled: Seekers of hidden knowledge may glimpse cosmic truths—their minds expanded or shattered by revelations.
• Lore and Spells: The temple occasionally imparts forgotten spells or cryptic lore, inscribed on dream-touched scrolls.
• These fortunate souls emerge changed, their creativity ignited or their understanding of existence forever altered.

2. The Madness of the Trioptic Curse:

• Others who slumber here suffer a darker fate:
• Insanity: Their dreams twist into maddening nightmares. They wake with fractured minds, haunted by visions of eldritch realms.
• Whispers from the Abyss: The gem’s third eye whispers forbidden knowledge, driving them toward madness. Some become obsessed with deciphering its cryptic messages.
• Eyes of the Entity: A few claim to see through the statue’s eyes, glimpsing distant worlds and the cosmic dance of gods. But this communion exacts a toll—their sanity unravels.

Adventure Hooks:

• The Seeker’s Quest: A desperate artist seeks inspiration. They journey to the temple, hoping to create a masterpiece. Will they emerge as a genius or a broken soul?

• The Scholar’s Obsession: A sage believes the gem holds the key to rewriting reality. They hire the party to retrieve it, unaware of the curse that awaits.

• The Cult of the Trioptic Eye: A secretive cult worships the statue. They seek to awaken the entity, believing it will reshape the world. Can the adventurers thwart their plans?

GM Notes:

Be as creative as you want to be with the mood and reality of the temple's environment. Use surrealistic background music. Foreshadow with mad prophecies, whatever you like.

• Dreamscapes: Use dream sequences to convey revelations or madness. These dreams will occur and get stronger to any outside the temple as they approach it.
• Gem’s Whispers: Drop cryptic hints about forgotten spells or cosmic events. Use the temple as a way of revealing new spells, lore, or information in your campaign.
• The Entity Awakens: As the temple’s power waxes, the statue’s eyes glow brighter. Cataclysm looms. Maybe the entity begins to awaken on its own when disturbed, or when someone tries to steal its powerful eye gem.

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May your adventurers tread carefully, for the Trioptic Entity guards its secrets with both benevolence and malevolence.

Updated: July 13th, 2026

NASA's Free TTRPG Adventure: The Lost Universe!

 NASA, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, has created and published their very own table top role-playing adventure, The Lost Universe! Now while they say it can be used with any role-playing system, it's clearly written for use with the current D&D 5e. They have released it over on their own official NASA website, but I'll drop the links here for your convenience.

..."A dark mystery has settled over the city of Aldastron, on the rogue planet of Exlaris. Researchers dedicated to studying the cosmos have disappeared, and the Hubble Space Telescope has vanished from Earth’s timeline."...

Sounds exciting!

These links are good as of 3/1/24 (The time this post was published.)

The Lost Universe

Download The Lost Universe gameplay instructional booklet. HERE

Map of Aldastron

Download the map of Aldastron to help you navigate through your adventure.  HERE

The Lost Universe Poster

Download and print The Lost Universe poster.  HERE