New Magic Item - The Deck of Too Many Things

 The Deck of Many Things is legendary for instantly derailing a campaign, so a parody item works best when it keeps that high-stakes dread, but substitutes cosmic ruin with hyper-specific, inconvenient, and completely overwhelming mundane abundance. This deck of magic cards is indistinguishable from an actual Deck of Many Things,

Instead of an avatar of death, you draw a card and the universe buries you under sheer logistical chaos.

The Deck of Too Many Things Wondrous item, uncommon (cursed)

This ornate wooden box contains 1d6 + 18 ivory or parchment cards. When a creature declares they are drawing a card, they must state how many they intend to draw. Drawing a card causes it to dissolve into confetti, immediately triggering an absurd excess. If you do not have a d24, roll a d6, 1-3 means the following d12 is 1through 12, on a result of 4-6 it means the d12 results in 13 through 24. No card result can be used more than once.

d24	Card Name	Effect
1	The Spoons	Exactly 10,000 ordinary pewter soup spoons rain down in a 30-foot radius, burying everyone ankle-deep. They have no resale value and encumber anyone trying to leave.
2	The Mother-in-Law	A middle-aged noblewoman in travel attire materializes with five heavy trunks. She immediately critiques the drawer's posture, demands to know why they aren't married yet, and insists on accompanying the party until they "sort their lives out."
3	The Keys	A heavy iron ring containing 417 identical-looking brass keys appears in the drawer’s hand. Each key fits a real, mundane lock somewhere in the multiverse, but none are labeled.
4	The Left Boot	500 mismatched, left-footed leather boots drop from an extradimensional pocket. Searching through them for 1 hour still yields not a single right boot.
5	The Accordion	The character gains master-level proficiency with the accordion. However, every time they attempt to speak or cast a verbal spell, a distinct, jaunty squeezebox wheeze emits from their chest.
6	The Bureaucrat	A humorless clerk from the Department of Unclaimed Adventuring Assets appears with a stack of parchment, placing the party under an administrative audit for all dungeon loot acquired in the last six months (or face a 10% lien on future XP).
7	The Pamphlets	2,000 brightly colored flyers scatter in the wind, advertising a radical religious sect dedicated to the god of sensible footwear. Whenever the drawer rests, an earnest missionary arrives to check if they've read the literature.
8	The Cobbler's Debt	The drawer receives 5,000 gold pieces. Three seconds later, an aggressive dwarf with a legal writ appears demanding 5,001 gold pieces for custom orthopedic arch supports ordered three centuries ago by an ancestor.
9	The Ferret	A single normal ferret appears in the drawer’s pocket. It cannot be permanently lost, given away, or killed; if abandoned, it reappears in a belt pouch within 1d4 minutes, chewing on vital items like potion corks or scroll cases.
10	The Glaze	The drawer and their gear are instantly coated in sweet, sticky sugar glaze. All wild beasts and swarms within 1 mile gain advantage on Perception checks to track the party by scent for the next 24 hours.
11	The Sentient Hat	The character's headwear gains sentience and a pompous personality, constantly shouting unprompted tactical advice during combat (mostly "Don't get hit, you'll crease my brim!").
12	The Second Deck	Drawing this card produces two more Decks of Too Many Things. They refuse to be burned, sold, or abandoned, and silently tempt other party members to draw.
13	The Pigeons	600 ordinary pigeons erupt in a vortex of feathers and cooing. They form a dense, bobbing escort that follows the drawer everywhere for three days, aggressively demanding breadcrumbs.
14	The Cheese Wheel	A four-hundred-pound wheel of sharp, aged goat cheddar crashes to the ground. It is completely non-magical, almost impossible to move without a handcart, and smells potent enough to alert monsters two valleys away.
15	The Name Tag	A sticky label materializes on the drawer’s chest reading, "HELLO, MY NAME IS: [A deeply embarrassing childhood nickname]." All creatures automatically refer to them by that name until removed with Remove Curse.
16	The Echo	For the next 24 hours, an unseen extradimensional herald floats over the drawer's shoulder, repeating the last three words of every sentence spoken in a high-pitched, mocking squeak. Stealth is impossible.
17	The Cobblestones	4,000 perfectly square, loose granite paving stones tumble out in a clattering heap, weighing nearly eight tons and completely blocking the current path, corridor, or doorway.
18	The Unsolicited Biographer	An earnest young bard in ink-stained spectacles follows ten paces behind the party, critiquing their combat pacing and asking intrusive questions about childhood trauma during short rests.
19	The Sentient Belt	The drawer’s belt awakens with an obsessive concern for their caloric intake, tightening painfully during meals and loudly scolding them about their waistline.
20	The Pocket Sand	Every pocket, pouch, scabbard, and boot belonging to the drawer is instantly packed to the brim with fine beach sand. Cleaning it out takes hours, and it squeaks in armor joints for a week.
21	The Brass Band	A silent phantasm of an eight-piece brass ensemble appears. Whenever the drawer rolls initiative or picks a lock, the band blasts a deafening fanfare with cymbals and sousaphones, alerting all nearby enemies.
22	The Unsigned Contract	A 300-page legal scroll names the drawer executor of an eccentric wizard's estate, which consists entirely of a crumbling tower populated by 800 feral awakened badgers.
23	The Infinite String	A single red thread dangles from the card. Pulling it reveals that it unspools endlessly from an extradimensional void; pulling for more than 10 minutes creates 4 miles of yarn that aggressively attracts cats.
24	The Void of Bureaucracy	The drawer is briefly yanked into an astral waiting room, handed a slip that reads "Now Serving Number: 4,921,803," and returned with a lingering taste of bad chicory coffee and an intense hatred for clipboards.

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New Magic Item: Potion of Spell Holding

New Magic Item

Potion of Spell Holding

Unlike other potions, this potion acts as a storage medium. Simply cast, or have someone else cast, a spell upon the potion, and it will store that spell indefinitely, until used. Only one spell may ever be cast and stored by these potions. Casting another spell on a potion already holding another spell could be dangerous, depending upon the spell being cast. Now here's the tricky part.. anyone may use the potion, but that does not mean they know what spell is stored within it!

If the spell cast upon the potion is a personal spell, designed to affect the caster, then the potion must be opened and consumed. If the spelled stored is designed to affect another, or an object, the potion must be consumed by, poured upon, or shattered in the vicinity of the target.

Example: A potion storing the Shield spell must be drunk by the user. A potion of Polymorph Other must be consumed by the target, or otherwise expose the target to the bottle's contents. A potion storing Fireball would have to be thrown at a target, which will be engulfed by the explosion the moment the potion bottle breaks.

A Potion of Spell Holding, is indistinguishable from other potions. It must be properly identified by a knowledgeable source. When found randomly, there is a 75% chance (3 in 4) that the potion is free and not yet storing a spell within it. The Referee is encouraged to determine whatever spell is stored in the potion if it is determined it has already been used to do so.

Should a potion containing an attack spell be opened, that holder becomes ground zero for whatever effect occurs!!!

New Magic Item: Annulum de Immortuos

New Magic Item

Annulum de Immortuos (The Black Ring of Thanos)

"And so it came to pass that in a last bid to cheat Death itself, Thanos the Necromancer, poured his knowledge and power into the, Annulum de Immortuos, the Ring of Undeath. But in those last minutes, the Servants of Arawn, breached his sanctum and captured the wayward wizard for their master, but not before Thanos used the last of his power to send the ring away to safety. With their prize in hand, the Servants of Arawn, dragged Thanos screaming into the Underworld."

The Ring of Undeath, also called The Black Ring of Thanos, is an artifact. It should not be found by random chance, but placed carefully and deliberately into a campaign. Arawn, the Lord of Death himself, will seek after anyone known to possess the ring, sending his Servants to secure the ring and to capture those who would dare attempt to cheat him.

Minor Powers:

• Animate dead (1 figure) (by touch) - 7 times/week
• Speak With Dead - 1/day
• Command/Turn Undead (and only Undead) as a 12th level Cleric - 3/day
• Acts as an Amulet of Proof Against Detection and Location
• Wearer will not age, nor be affected by aging effects.
• Acts as a Ring of Regeneration, can only be removed upon death or voluntarily.

Drawbacks:

• Arawn seeks the wearer's capture and punishment.. and anyone with them.
• Wearer can not be healed by Cure spells, though spells without "Cure" in the name will work.

How the ring may be destroyed is entirely up to the DM. Destruction of the ring will stop Arawn from taking vengeance upon the wearer and their companions.

New Magic Item: Vegvisir

New Magic Item

Vegvisir (VEGG-vee-seer)

Translated from Icelandic, “That Which Shows the Way"

"If this sign is carried, one will never lose one’s way in storms or bad weather, even when the way is not known." - excerpt, Huld manuscript

This item is especially useful for campaigns involving Hex Crawls, but is not a foolproof means of keeping oneself from becoming lost. In order for the Vegvisir to work, the wearer must have a destination in mind, such as a specific mountain, lake, etc. They will then feel themselves lead to follow the safest and most direct route (travel-wise), to their destination. However, this only means that the character will be directed along the safest route relative to any other routes available, it does not avoid any dangerous encounters along the route. The route given isn't necessarily "safe", just the least physically dangerous.

Storms can still blow a character off course, but they will be able to find their way back on course afterward.. should they survive

The wearer can not set the destination of their travel to a person, or other mobile point. It must be a fixed destination known to them, either personally, or one they've seen, even if from afar. For example, "Show me the path to that split topped mountain I see across the valley".