Saturday, July 15, 2017

Curious Creatures: The Squonk

Use Facebook long enough and you'll come across just about anything after awhile. Such was the case of a user asking about putting game stats to a creature called a Squonk. Curious, I ran a few Google searches and found several references to the odd little beasties. What follows is a bit of an amalgam of what I found.

Squonk - Artist Unknown

SQUONK (Lacrimacorpus Dissolvens)

Hit Dice: Basic (1-3)
Attack: Water Burst - Special Touch Attack (see below)
Defense: High
Skills/Special Abilities: Expert tracker, sneaking, hiding, camouflage
Intelligence: Normal
Morale: Low
Move: Normal (a bit faster than men running)
Gear/Treasure: None

The Squonk is rumored to be the ugliest creature ever. It's loose skin is ill-fitting and covered in warts and blemishes, causing the creature to be extremely self-conscious and morose. Aware of it's appearance, it hides itself from all other creatures deep in remote forests, spending much of it's time weeping.

These elusive creatures are very difficult to track, being experts at moving silently and hiding. They even have the ability to camouflage themselves, becoming nearly invisible at will as long as they stand still, but the soft sound of their weeping will often give them away if someone takes the time to listen intently.

When cornered and forced to fight, a Squonk will rush at a target and jump forward, changing it's body into a large quantity of water at the last moment. The target will be hit, as if by a giant water balloon, and must make a Dexterity Save, or be bowled off their feet and temporarily blinded, allowing the Squonk to reform and continue running away. Attackers attempting to hit a Squonk will find the creature to be incredibly quick and agile, avoiding all but the most expert blows.

If captured, or defeated in combat, the poor creatures will blubber and wail, immediately dissolving into a pool of bubbling  tears.

Should someone succeed in attempting to befriend one of the pitiful creatures, it will become a willing companion, though it will still avoid the company of other creatures whenever possible.

The tears of the Squonk are valued by Alchemists, as they are believed to possess magical properties.


Squonks appear in, "Fearsome Creatures of the Lumberwoods.", by Cox, William T. with Latin Classifications by George B. Sudworth.  (Washington, D.C.: Judd & Detweiler Inc), c.1910


  1. Like father like son
    Not flesh nor fish nor bone
    A red rag hangs from an open mouth.
    Alive at both ends but a little dead in the middle,
    A-tumbling and a-bumbling he will go.
    All the King's horses and all the King's men
    Could never put a smile on that face.

    He's a sly one, he's a shy one
    Wouldn't you be too.
    Scared to be left all on his own.
    Hasn't a, hasn't a friend to play with, the Ugly Duckling
    The pressure on, the bubble will burst before our eyes.
    All the while in perfect time
    His tears are falling on the ground

    Go a little faster now, you might get there in time.

    Mirror mirror on the wall,
    His heart was broken long before he ever came to you.
    Stop your tears from falling,
    The trail they leave is very clear for all to see at night
    all to see at night.

    In season, out of season
    What's the difference when you don't know the reason.
    In one hand bread, the other a stone.
    The Hunter enters the forest.
    All are not huntsmen who can blow the huntsman's horn
    By the look of this one you've not got much to fear.

    Here I am, I'm very fierce and frightening
    Come to match my skill to yours.
    Now listen here, listen to me, don't you run away now
    I am a friend, I'd really like to play with you.
    Making noises my little furry friend would make
    I'll trick him, then I'll kick him into my sack.
    You better watch out... You better watch out.

    I've got you, I've got you, you'll never get away.

    Walking home that night
    The sack across my back, the sound of sobbing on my shoulder.
    When suddenly it stopped,
    I opened up the sack, all that I had
    A pool of bubbles and tears - JUST A POOL OF TEARS.

    All in all you are a very dying race
    Placing trust upon a cruel world.
    You never had the things you thought you should have had
    And you'll not get them now,
    And all the while in perfect time
    Your tears are falling on the ground.

    The Squonk is of a very retiring disposition and due to its ugliness,
    weeps constantly. It is easy prey for hunters who simply
    follow a tear-stained trail. When cornered it will dissolve itself into tears.

    True or False?

  2. Oh, sorry to credit Genesis album "A Trick of the Tail" 1976, Writers: Michael Rutherford, Anthony George Banks, "Squonk"

    One of my favorite Genesis songs. :)

  3. ...and some album liner notes, ""Squonk" is based on the North American tale of the Squonk which, when captured, dissolves in a pool of tears." So Genesis was aware of the tale as well! :)